The Wedding Day

It was a quarter before 10am. I haven’t slept at all. Nervousness? Excitement? Who knows. Maybe scared by the fact that tonight my freedom may be over, but I wouldn’t regret it at all. This was certainly to be the happiest day of my life.

The stormy weather lingered in the other side of my window, as I made my way to Lauren’s house. She was going to led me the white gorgeous gown she had used for her wedding; she believed it was my turn to use it. I had to thank God, I had a friend like her that would stand by my side in the best day of my life, my wedding day.

It was half passed afternoon now. I kept wondering if Jake have thought about me even as much as I have about him. He had been on my mind since I woke up. My fiancée, the man I would spend the rest of my life with, my first and only love. I was 19, and getting married with the perfect man. I heard complains before, I heard everything but congratulation, and I cared less, this was by far the man I wanted to wake up every morning by his side, he deserved me, I deserved him.

Fifteen minutes before my wedding, I was ready. I looked gorgeous, as gorgeous as I would ever be.

“You look amazing!” my mom shouted from outside the door.

“Mom, you can’t see me.”

“But I know you look great” I giggled, and heard her leave.

I checked my phone for the first time in the day. 3 missed calls, 2 texted. None of them from Jake. Maybe he was as busy as I was, maybe he ran out of battery… Maybe he ran out of money. Maybe… But I was not worried, I was disappointed, a two minutes call would have been enough to make my day.

“Nothing?” asked Lauren.

“Nothing” I answered.

“Don’t worry, he will get here soon”

“I know, you’re right.”

The last time I saw him, before yesterday, was in the Nashville Airport, he was on his way to the army.

“Promise me you will take care”

“I will take care babe.”

“Promise me you will come back”

“I will come back,” he said in the sweetest tone I ever heard and I smiled. “To marry you.” We kissed for what seemed 5 minutes and he left. I cried for hours that night, and I kept crying for days even after he left.

He couldn’t wait until the day he come back, the day he would make me his, legally. I know he have waited as much as I had. I was hesitated, and I knew he was also, but something was run, and I felt it deep inside.

Lauren entered my room, for the second time now, looking for my future husband. The event should have started half an hour ago, still no signs of Jake.

“Roxanne, maybe you should…”

“No, he’ll come, he promised, he’ll be here.”

“The priest won’t wait any longer.”

“Just ten minutes more.”

She left as soon as the conversation ended, begging for ten minutes more. I called him a thousand times, but he wouldn’t answer.

What about the I love you’s?

What about the I can’t wait for the wedding?

What about everything he ever said to me…

He left me here, alone, and ashamed. He abandoned me, in front of my family and my friends. I was embarrassed, what was I going to say, to explain? How was I going to talk about this in front of 155 people waiting for my celebration? No, how did he ever do this to me? I shed a quiet, disappointed tear, and called him one last time, furious and lonely.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

“Hello?” A female voice answered.

“Excuse me, who is this?” I asked, not knowing what to feel.

“Yes, this is Angela from the National Hospital, who am I talking with?” National Hospital?

“This is Roxanne, Jake’s fiancée” There was a long pause going on.

“Excuse me, is there something wrong?” I asked

“Ms. Roxanne, can you come here as soon as possible?”

“I’m on my way.” I confirmed and hanged the phone. I was now worried. I made my way to the entrance, in my long white dress. By now my hair was a hot mess, and my make up was even worse than my hair.

I met Lauren and my mom in my way to my cared, now I cared less about the priest, about the people waiting in the church, about everything. Something was certainly not ok.

“Roxanne where are you going?” Lauren asked.

“To the hospital, cancel the wedding.”

“Are you ok?” I ignored the question, honestly I didn’t know how I was feeling.

In my way to the hospital, all I could think about is what was going on. I honestly was not ready for an answer, I wanted to get there and find out he just had a high fever and continue with the most likely to be my happiest day ever. I still hoped, hoped that everything was going to turn out perfectly. I believed he was going to hold me tight and tell me how sorry he was. I prayed this would all be a nightmare and I was going to soon wake up.

“Can I help you miss?” A fairly young doctor asked.

“Yes, I’m looking for Jake, Jake Blanco.” I answered.

“You are the lady he wouldn’t stop talking about?”

“What did he said”

“He started talking about his Roxy, and that he didn’t want to disappoint her, he would say every five minute his Roxy was waiting for him.”

“My name is Roxanne.” I said in a breath, almost a whisper. “Can you please explain me what is going on?”

“Miss, I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry?” I asked now with enormous teardrops in my eyes.

“Why are you sorry!?” I asked one more time, but still he wouldn’t answer. There was no need now. I knew exactly what was going on. I just lost the love of my life. What should have been the best day of my life turned out to be the worst day ever.

People kept looking at me from around the room. I’m sure they never met a bride crying in a public hospital. I sat in the nearest chair, with my now not so beautiful white dress, and cried. I took my earrings, my necklace, I destroyed my hair, there was no need to look beautiful for a person who didn’t even exist anymore. Everything changed, in a second. I still waited for my alarm clock waking me up, but this was no nightmare, this was my reality. I prayed to God, he would have give me one more kiss, one more touch… Even one more fight. But it was done now, it was all over. No wedding, no love. Only me.

I took my car and drove as far as it would let me, I drove home. I begged, that when I turned my home keys, he would be there waiting for me, sitting in the couch, with his gorgeous smile, and breathtaking eyes, and talk to me with his beautiful melody-like voice. But he wasn’t. He was not there.

I ran to my room, and took the pillow where he slept. It smelled just like him, a smell I will never feel again. I cried, for hours I cried.

I turned on my music, as loud as it could get, took my shoes off, and danced slowly in the empty room, with my long, now grey, dress. I danced for the memories, for the good times, for the last kiss, for my broken heart, and for the fights, I dance for the fear and for the love, I dance for the tears I was now crying, and I dance for him. I knew he was looking at me, wherever he was.

I wouldn’t regret anything we once had. He changed my live, my goals… my point of view. He changed me. He was more than my lover he was my best friend, I lost them both the same day, at the same moment. I loved him, with everything I had. I held his hand and married him in my surreal fantasy. I kissed his lips, and I touch his skin. But it was not enough, it was a fantasy. Everything was now a memory. He was now gone. Why did he had to leave me? He’s not coming home anymore. I wished this was a nightmare, for the fourth time. I closed my eyes and remembered for the last time his beautiful smile and his heavenly touch, and laid on the sofa where we used to spend night kissing and talking about how much we loved each other. I remembered for the last time his tears, and thought about how I could not live without him. I heard myself crying and screaming, hugging as tight as I could his pillow. And then, I remembered for the last time, the day he was kneeling at my feet, in front of a whole bunch of people, but that were all now memories, and he was not here to share them with me. He never made me his. I didn’t had my perfect wedding day, and all I had to share was the flashbacks of the nightmare I never woke up of.

Aphrodite's Cascade

I was standing across the room with a bottle of water in my hand, it was half empty when I drank another zip of it. He was standing there, as gorgeous as always, playing and smiling, the smile, I once fell for. He was my best friend, my confident, my first love, my actual love, my dreams, my wish. I ran up where he was, and as I jumped to him, he raised me. We were like siblings. He was everything to me. Wonder what will go wrong, paint of perfect picture. He was not feeling the same way for me, or at least I knew not about it. He used to stand and look at me for minutes and then grab my hands and sway across the park with a smile on his face, but what I thought it was the perfect moment, he thought it was the perfect friendship. I loved him and I've used candles, wishbones, 11:11, shooting stars, birthday wishes, eye lashes, everything to have him, but I wouldn't. After he put me down on the floor again we sat, side by side and stayed quiet. Words were over said, we used to communicate by looks, we new each other well enough, and though he knew not, he was everything for me. "Theresa, are you ok?" He asked. Obviously I wasn't, my eyes said I love you everywhere, my smile begged for a kiss and my look wanted a touch, my soul wanted him forever, and he still would not see that, he just would not see anything. "I'm perfectly fine" I responded. I took another zip of water and put it down, he grabbed the bottle and swallow until he finished in the first zip. "Come here, there's something I want to show you" he told me. We were staying at my uncle's camp house, and whatever he have discover, must have been yet interesting or beautiful, maybe both. I stood up and followed, I trusted him with my live. We walked silently for what looked like 7 minutes, in the middle of the forest, and it was not until I heard a noise, that I understood we were on a waterfall. I knew this, I used to come when I was a kid, as a matter of fact, the tires we threw our selves in the water, where still there. The myth said that, the waterfall's water had Aphrodite tears, which were magical and concealed true love as they kiss in this cascade. "I was walking here this morning, thinking" he interrupted my thoughts. "What were you thinking?" I asked, expecting an answer, which I would probably nor receive. "Life." he said. "How is it going?" I smiled as I teased him. He ignored and jumped down the two large rocks until he got the the edge. I was standing in a rock, where the sun burned directly to where I was standing, which I cared less to actually pay any attention, I was too concentrated in the brown of his eyes, I forgot my own's. He turned around and looked at me. "Come here, Re. Trust me" which I did, with all my life. And I did went down and sit ride beside him, again. "This is beautiful, isn't it?" I said. He turned around and stared directly at me. "Yes it is" he answered. I then understood what iit meant missing someone and having right beside you, or wanting someone, when you actually did have them. He picked up a flower, which he got on a tree of the forest, and put it on my head, as he pulled it back. "Jonathan?" I said, feeling awkward. "Yes?" "Can I tell you something?" I asked, wishing he would say no. At that moment, a small rock fell from above and splash us both, some of Aphrodites Cascade. "No, Theresa." I stayed quiet and ignored his answer. I watched as the summer breeze touched our skin as if dancing with it, and smiled. I felt happy, just laying by his side, made me happy. Feeling his happiness was enough, though I was miserable. "You're doing great." He said suddenly. I felt confused, I didn't know what he was meaning, and he saw it on my face. "You asked how was doing my life... You're doing great" I felt puzzled and looked away, hoping he meant what he said. "Theresa?" "Don't say it." I begged. "I won't, just look at me." He plead. And I did. "Close your eyes" I did. He kissed gently my forehead and traced my face with his hands. I didn't open my eyes. "Open your hand." And so I did. I felt a cold metal touching my skin, which when I felt, it was a key. I opened my eyes and he had a small box with him. "Open it." He said, and I tried the key and opened the box. I could see a small folded, almost old paper which had today's date three years ago. And I grabbed it and looked at him. He sat, waiting for me to continue and I did. THERESA I LOVE YOU it said. "Three years from now, I've loved you three years from now" I stayed still, shocked. "I love you, Theresa, and I want you really bad. You're everything for me." I hushed him as quick as I could. "You have me, you've had me, three years ago" and I slowly moved forward. "I love you so, Jonathan." And for the first time I years, my wish came true, he kissed softly my name and whispered the three words I've ever wanted to hear from his mouth. He grabbed my hand and I leaned close, as the twilight showed on the near horizon visible from the cascade.

The Sweetest Storm

The sudden drops appearing on the window of my car made me notice the storm that was coming ahead on the road. I was on my way home, finally after two days of being missing. I turned on the radio and after two minutes of changing stations I left my favorite song on. ''Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while and she will be loved'' . Yes this song, this song had something about it. Every lyric made me wonder. That song made me wish. Made me think. Made me sad. After two days of absence, I finally turned on my phone. I received several texts, but I read none, I was simply not in the mood. It was Valentine's Day, and I was finally several kilometers away from home. Storm was here, and though it was still early, the sky was as dark as it could be. ''Wanna make her feel beautiful''. It was maybe not the moment to listen to that song, but I was just to tangled, too obsessed. A tear was running down my cheek by the moment the song was over, so I turned off the radio. I just couldn't listen any more. It was Valentines day, a storm was coming ahead, and I was driving my way home after being missing two days. No one called, no one asked, no one missed. It was sad.

I finally arrived home after a four hours trip back home. The song kept replaying in my head, "I know where you hide, alone in your car". Not that it surprised me, there was no one home waiting. I left the keys on the couch and headed to the kitchen. I sat down in a small chair placed on the corner of the room, and wiped my tears out. Maybe I wasn't supposed to get back home today. I checked my phone, there was a text message that , honestly, surprised me. "I Miss You, Come Back". "I'm back" I wrote, but as soon as I was done, I erased and deleted. I was somehow meant to be alone today. I didn't expected anything, from no one, that way I would not get disappointed. Yes, people could have said I was cold, but I was just scared.

Maybe the reason I always loved this song was, the meaning it had for me, in my life. I wished there was someone willing to look for me, wait for me, dream of me, smile at me, loving me. Willing to be everything, to do anything, to give me at least something. No limits. "I don't mind spending everyday". As much as deny it, I was in love. That was the real reason I left, but who would I trust that? Sometimes, memories where hard to remember, song where hard to sing, and tears where hard to cry, but I learned the hard way I had to stay strong.

I put on my black coat and went walking through the dark night. The rain was intense. As I walked, I shed another tear, I loved crying in the rain, no one would ever notice.

I went through a small dark bridge across the street, heading to the park. I saw a couple, in love as they could be, making out in the rain. Makes me wish, makes me wonder. It suddenly made me think of the song, "In the pouring rain". I just could not stop thinking about it.

I sat on a bench in the park, the rain was still pouring. I felt a vibration on the coat. Crap I brought my cellphone.
I couldn't see the name of the call, so instinctively I answered.
"Hello?"
"Where have you been, I've been looking for you all this days." He said.
"Hey." I answered.
"I've missed you."
"I'm sorry."
"Where are you?"
"Why?"
"Because I can bet I'm seeing the most beautiful women in the world."
"Where are you?"
"Turn around." He hanged up the phone.
So I did turn around, and so there was standing the love of my life.
"Hey." I said.
"Hello gorgeous." He answered.
I smiled.
So did he.
"Happy Valentines Day." He added.
"Thank you."
We stayed silent for a while, and he sat down right next to me. The rain was intense, and if I was not mistaken, it was worst than it was before.
"Can we go take a walk?" He asked.
"Sure." I said.
We walked silently for what seemed like 15 minutes. We stopped at the same bridge I crossed half an hour ago. This time, we were alone, who knew where this happy couple where going. We stayed quiet.
He was handsome.
Smart.
Charming.
He was perfect.
And I have fallen so hard in such a short time, it seemed almost impossible.
He was simply everything.
Drops.
Drops invaded my almost glorious thoughts. And so I shed another tear, and once again no one will ever notice.

We watched the small river right under us. It was just too quiet. The perfect moment. Valentines day.
"Have you ever imagined.." He interrupted my thoughts.
"Have you ever imagine, a fictitious world. A world where there was no one, just that one person. Where everything seemed as perfect as you wish they could be, as easy as they seemed. Just that person and you." He smiled, like feeling as if what he said was something to be shy of.
"I sometimes think, of standing in the middle of the night, kissing her." Her. He wiped his face, which was completely wet. We were completely wet, but we cared less about it.
"Yes, I Have." I answered. I felt the drops falling down my nose, my forehead, my fingertips.

We stayed quiet for about half a minute.
"Will you dance with me?" He suddenly asked.
"But there's no music." I said, puzzled.
"Close your eyes, and feel the music." He answered.
"Wait, what?" He covered my eyes and I kept them closed.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me closed.
Step. Step. Step. I heard everything closely, the drops, the sound of the cars, our steps, his breathing, my heartbeat. I understood what he meant by feel the music now. I let it go, and he lead perfectly. I followed every step. It went out stupidly amazing. I could feel his hand, touching my arm, as we swayed across the bridge.
Drops.
Step.
Car.
Slide.
Step.
Breathe.
Double step.
Stop. I heard his breathing, and could almost taste his sweet breath.
"Happy Valentines day, again." He slowly whispered.
It felt great, being this close to him. He talked slowly to my ear.
"You where that one person I wish I could have in my perfect world." He said.
I was speechless. Enchanted. Surprised.
"I love you, I always have, I always will." He added.
I still had my eyes closed, and I could still feel the closeness of his skin with mine.
Drops.
He come closer, I could feel.
He slowly kissed me, a short, but memorable kiss.
A kiss that will make it last.
His soft lips made the perfect crux with mine.
The way it made my breath vanish.
He took my breath away.
He stepped back, and I slowly opened my eyes.
"I know is a little too late to ask." He said, and I thought and listened carefully.
"But you were absent this couple of days." I blushed.
"Will you be my valentine, the last three hours of the night that are remaining?" I shocked. I smiled and blinked.
"I've been wishing all this time, that you would ask. Yes I will be your Valentine."
He leaned forward, and carried me, and so we slowly kissed. A kiss in the rain I would always remember, a sweet kiss. It was perfect. It was a moment it will always last. He let me down and gently grabbed my hand. I felt loved, he made my wishes true. It was the sweetest storm.

Last Kiss Goodbye

I was sitting on the last chair, in this cold room. I've been waiting here all day long with a box of chocolates and a dozen flowers. This hospital seemed even darker every second that passed by. I've been here all day waiting for a response, an answer of how was he doing, 13 hours here waiting in this cold room. I came as soon as I received the news of his terrible car accident. His sake was my own and I was as concerned as I could possibly be.

"Excuse me, you can come in now." The pale white nurse almost awaking me from my sleep, said.

"Thanks." She guided me through the shiny hallway, to the room number 217, and then she left. I took the door handle, and took a deep breath, and then come in. He was laying on the bed, and I sat on the small chair right beside him. I laid the box on the table and arranged the flowers in a small cup. He was just laying there, sleeping. I grabbed his hand and kissed it, hoping he would notice I was there for him, always. He was my friend, I could have not let him alone, not today, not never.

Few seconds later, a different nurse, tall and brunette, came in, she arranged some things on the bed, left some pills on the table, changed the water in the IV, and made her way to the door.

"Wait." I said.
"Yes?"
"He will get better, right?"
"We're hoping he will." She answered. Not exactly the one answer I was hoping for.
"Oh, I understand. Thanks." That was all I could say.

You know how it felt, having your one friend, your one mate, your one love, laying on a bed, not knowing what may happen next? Just sitting there, completely useless.
I felt the door closing and I drank some water I bought earlier in the store, and then grabbed his hands once again.

"Hey you." He woke up.
"Hey! O my God. Are you okay? how are you feeling?"
He barely opened his eyes, and I stood up.
"I'm better now, you look beautiful." He said.
"And you are feeling really bad! Lay back."
I stood there for half a minute, and watched as he fought himself, not knowing what to do, not knowing where to go. he was just there, helpless. And I was there, useless.
"Want something?" I asked.
He ignored my question, so I took a deep breathe and controlled my feelings. I could see his pain, and I could almost feel it as mine. I was afraid. Afraid I had the possibility of losing him, afraid he would never know the real one and only reason of why I was standing here beside him, and the reason I could feel this.
"Come closer." He barely whispered. He could barely talk. I did, waiting for him to say something, and I sat on his bed.
"Closer" he whispered once again.

I laid on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. The sweet scent of tobacco and perfume made me remember of the nights we kept awaken just talking and laughing. He reminded me of home, laying by his side, reminded me of home.

"I just missed your sweet vanilla smell." He said. And it was exactly the splash I always used, vanilla.

I made myself comfortable in his arms, and slowly closed my eyes. We just laid there, without talking, and barely breathing. I felt good. I felt, that was where I was belonging.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"Im dying" He said.
"No, youre not." I answered quickly, trying to think that was certainly not an option.
We just stayed still, and quiet.

"Actually..." He said. "I do want you to do something for me"

I opened my eyes, i listened carefully.

"Just ask for it" I said.

"Kiss me." He answered.

I stopped breathing for a second and my heart started pumping as fast as it could, when I catched my breath, my pulse felt quicklier than before, and suddenly i was closing my eyes, preparing for his kiss.

I watched him attentively while he run his fingers slowly, painfully, through my face, and he softly touched my lips. I slowly pulled myself closer, trying not to harm any part of his body. His lips. That sweet taste of his breath. The softness of how he grazed his lips with mine, and the perfect touch of his hands in my back, and the tenderness on the way he kissed me,made the moment exquisitly perfect. I pulled back,and I brushed his black hair back and ended the kiss. He touched my hair and knead my nose.

"I've been waiting five years for this moment." He said.
"I love you" He added.
Only those three words could make the moment better, so I hugged him.
"I know, I've been waiting three years, for you to tell me this." I said.
"Im afraid." He responded.
"Why?"
"That maybe it is a little too late." I stayed silence and turned back to my original position, I grabbed his hands, and kissed it.
"Its never too late. I love you too." I finally declared.
He brushed my hair for a short amount of time, and then I fall asleep in his arms.


I heared a sharp noise and woke up. I sat on the bed and looked to my left. Several nurses coming in the room and pushing me to the right corner of the room. When I finally cleared my eyes and watched the small screen. The long line representing his heartbeats, made me shed a tear.
"No!" I screamed and cried.
"Clear the area" One of the doctors said, followed by the sound of a charged defibrillator.
I just kept screaming, shouting and crying, praying somewhere in Heaven an angel was listening to my cries, and believing the doctors will make their best, and he will actually survive.
"Please no." I kept saying.

One of the blonde nurses took me in her hands and tried to take me out of the room, and as I crossed the door, while fighting with the nurse, begging she will keep me inside the room, I heard something I wish I would have never heard.
"Time of death, 9:17 pm". The sound of my cries grew louder every time. The nurse finally handled my state of emotion and pulled me out of the room, I leaned against the wall, and shout.
The tears were insatiable, and I felt a cold wind in my cheek. He left me with nothing. He left me with the lover's final breath. I was sure the cold wind was him, and that he was saying goodbye. He left me with nothing more, than his kiss, that passed and with time faded away, sweet last kiss goodbye.