The Wedding Day

It was a quarter before 10am. I haven’t slept at all. Nervousness? Excitement? Who knows. Maybe scared by the fact that tonight my freedom may be over, but I wouldn’t regret it at all. This was certainly to be the happiest day of my life.

The stormy weather lingered in the other side of my window, as I made my way to Lauren’s house. She was going to led me the white gorgeous gown she had used for her wedding; she believed it was my turn to use it. I had to thank God, I had a friend like her that would stand by my side in the best day of my life, my wedding day.

It was half passed afternoon now. I kept wondering if Jake have thought about me even as much as I have about him. He had been on my mind since I woke up. My fiancée, the man I would spend the rest of my life with, my first and only love. I was 19, and getting married with the perfect man. I heard complains before, I heard everything but congratulation, and I cared less, this was by far the man I wanted to wake up every morning by his side, he deserved me, I deserved him.

Fifteen minutes before my wedding, I was ready. I looked gorgeous, as gorgeous as I would ever be.

“You look amazing!” my mom shouted from outside the door.

“Mom, you can’t see me.”

“But I know you look great” I giggled, and heard her leave.

I checked my phone for the first time in the day. 3 missed calls, 2 texted. None of them from Jake. Maybe he was as busy as I was, maybe he ran out of battery… Maybe he ran out of money. Maybe… But I was not worried, I was disappointed, a two minutes call would have been enough to make my day.

“Nothing?” asked Lauren.

“Nothing” I answered.

“Don’t worry, he will get here soon”

“I know, you’re right.”

The last time I saw him, before yesterday, was in the Nashville Airport, he was on his way to the army.

“Promise me you will take care”

“I will take care babe.”

“Promise me you will come back”

“I will come back,” he said in the sweetest tone I ever heard and I smiled. “To marry you.” We kissed for what seemed 5 minutes and he left. I cried for hours that night, and I kept crying for days even after he left.

He couldn’t wait until the day he come back, the day he would make me his, legally. I know he have waited as much as I had. I was hesitated, and I knew he was also, but something was run, and I felt it deep inside.

Lauren entered my room, for the second time now, looking for my future husband. The event should have started half an hour ago, still no signs of Jake.

“Roxanne, maybe you should…”

“No, he’ll come, he promised, he’ll be here.”

“The priest won’t wait any longer.”

“Just ten minutes more.”

She left as soon as the conversation ended, begging for ten minutes more. I called him a thousand times, but he wouldn’t answer.

What about the I love you’s?

What about the I can’t wait for the wedding?

What about everything he ever said to me…

He left me here, alone, and ashamed. He abandoned me, in front of my family and my friends. I was embarrassed, what was I going to say, to explain? How was I going to talk about this in front of 155 people waiting for my celebration? No, how did he ever do this to me? I shed a quiet, disappointed tear, and called him one last time, furious and lonely.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

“Hello?” A female voice answered.

“Excuse me, who is this?” I asked, not knowing what to feel.

“Yes, this is Angela from the National Hospital, who am I talking with?” National Hospital?

“This is Roxanne, Jake’s fiancée” There was a long pause going on.

“Excuse me, is there something wrong?” I asked

“Ms. Roxanne, can you come here as soon as possible?”

“I’m on my way.” I confirmed and hanged the phone. I was now worried. I made my way to the entrance, in my long white dress. By now my hair was a hot mess, and my make up was even worse than my hair.

I met Lauren and my mom in my way to my cared, now I cared less about the priest, about the people waiting in the church, about everything. Something was certainly not ok.

“Roxanne where are you going?” Lauren asked.

“To the hospital, cancel the wedding.”

“Are you ok?” I ignored the question, honestly I didn’t know how I was feeling.

In my way to the hospital, all I could think about is what was going on. I honestly was not ready for an answer, I wanted to get there and find out he just had a high fever and continue with the most likely to be my happiest day ever. I still hoped, hoped that everything was going to turn out perfectly. I believed he was going to hold me tight and tell me how sorry he was. I prayed this would all be a nightmare and I was going to soon wake up.

“Can I help you miss?” A fairly young doctor asked.

“Yes, I’m looking for Jake, Jake Blanco.” I answered.

“You are the lady he wouldn’t stop talking about?”

“What did he said”

“He started talking about his Roxy, and that he didn’t want to disappoint her, he would say every five minute his Roxy was waiting for him.”

“My name is Roxanne.” I said in a breath, almost a whisper. “Can you please explain me what is going on?”

“Miss, I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry?” I asked now with enormous teardrops in my eyes.

“Why are you sorry!?” I asked one more time, but still he wouldn’t answer. There was no need now. I knew exactly what was going on. I just lost the love of my life. What should have been the best day of my life turned out to be the worst day ever.

People kept looking at me from around the room. I’m sure they never met a bride crying in a public hospital. I sat in the nearest chair, with my now not so beautiful white dress, and cried. I took my earrings, my necklace, I destroyed my hair, there was no need to look beautiful for a person who didn’t even exist anymore. Everything changed, in a second. I still waited for my alarm clock waking me up, but this was no nightmare, this was my reality. I prayed to God, he would have give me one more kiss, one more touch… Even one more fight. But it was done now, it was all over. No wedding, no love. Only me.

I took my car and drove as far as it would let me, I drove home. I begged, that when I turned my home keys, he would be there waiting for me, sitting in the couch, with his gorgeous smile, and breathtaking eyes, and talk to me with his beautiful melody-like voice. But he wasn’t. He was not there.

I ran to my room, and took the pillow where he slept. It smelled just like him, a smell I will never feel again. I cried, for hours I cried.

I turned on my music, as loud as it could get, took my shoes off, and danced slowly in the empty room, with my long, now grey, dress. I danced for the memories, for the good times, for the last kiss, for my broken heart, and for the fights, I dance for the fear and for the love, I dance for the tears I was now crying, and I dance for him. I knew he was looking at me, wherever he was.

I wouldn’t regret anything we once had. He changed my live, my goals… my point of view. He changed me. He was more than my lover he was my best friend, I lost them both the same day, at the same moment. I loved him, with everything I had. I held his hand and married him in my surreal fantasy. I kissed his lips, and I touch his skin. But it was not enough, it was a fantasy. Everything was now a memory. He was now gone. Why did he had to leave me? He’s not coming home anymore. I wished this was a nightmare, for the fourth time. I closed my eyes and remembered for the last time his beautiful smile and his heavenly touch, and laid on the sofa where we used to spend night kissing and talking about how much we loved each other. I remembered for the last time his tears, and thought about how I could not live without him. I heard myself crying and screaming, hugging as tight as I could his pillow. And then, I remembered for the last time, the day he was kneeling at my feet, in front of a whole bunch of people, but that were all now memories, and he was not here to share them with me. He never made me his. I didn’t had my perfect wedding day, and all I had to share was the flashbacks of the nightmare I never woke up of.